Love me again.
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Oh yeah
I forgot: Your best new trick. You laugh in the cutest way. I guess cause we do it to you, you scrunch up your nose and bare your teeth and start breathing hard. Like a congested dog. It's so cute!! I have to try and video tape it. But like most things when I try to film it, you won't do it. So I will try. I might need your dad's help.
Dear Maggie, I confess, again...
So I have had writer's block. I haven't written in quite a while as you can tell. I have been trying quite hard to be funny and creative and it wasn't working. I finally thought about what I would like to read now about my life as a baby. I wouldn't care if my mom was clever and witty every time. i just want to know what it was like. So I have decided to just write. I just need to start writing for you. Not for anyone else. So here goes:
What are you up to now? You have started eating cereal. It took quite a while to get you into eating the cereal. The first few days you liked it. Then you started, literally turning your nose up at it. You would make a disgusted face when we fed you, like I was feeding you lemons or liver. So I had to figure out why you didn't like it. Well we realised you still don't like formula, which I was using to mix. I hate pumping so formula was easier. But if you don't eat it well it's not easier...So I went back to breast milk, pumping when I could. I tried different consistencies, temperatures...I finally got it right a few days ago. You actually open your mouth when you see it coming. But your weight is a bit lower then I would like. Your not emaciated or anything but you aren't as plump as I would like. We are going to the doctor on Thursday so we will see how you are doing. I plan to get you eating twice and day and then moving on to veggies asap. I want you FAT!!!
You are getting pretty good at sitting up on your own. You have been doing that for a week or so. I even put you in a shopping cart with out your baby seat, which is a god send. Just wait till you have to lug a baby around in a car seat!! Those things are heavy and your dead weight. But you are good a sitting up for a minute on your own. Then you kind of fall apart. Owen used to fall over on the side. You crumple in the middle like a taco. And then you get a little front heavy and next thing I know your whole face and body are smushed on the ground. Thankfully you don't cry when you bonk your head. And, for the record, I try to catch you but you seem to be spring loaded- like suddenly your legs spring out from under you and you end up on your face. Maybe it will help you get better at sitting up.
I have become a bit stressed about your sleeping. A week ago it was a dream. And then one day you woke up at 6:15, yakking away at the top of your lungs. I have my door closed, your door closed and you are all the way down the hall. And I can STILL hear you. Loud and clear. The next day it was 6:00, then 6:30. I wouldn't mind it if I could ignore you. But you are so loud. If I can I will tape it some day so you can hear how loud you are!! So I tried pushing your bed time later so you would sleep in longer. I should have known better, it never worked with Owen. Still doesn't! If Owen goes to bed half hour later, he is up a half hour earlier! You, you were up at 4:00 am!!!! That's in the morning. When I am sleeping. Not nice Maggie.
So I tried for a few days, because my mom suggested it needed a few days to work. Well then you stopped taking your naps properly, only napping for an hour at a time. So I gave up. Last night, I put you to bed at the regular time, when you were ready, and you slept until 6:50. Much better. I of course got woken up by Owen at 5:20 a.m. and couldn't fall asleep again. I kept thinking I could hear you, but really it was your dad breathing hard. Hopefully tonight you two will get your act together and I can sleep, stress free. I know this is just a phase, but its stressful! I got really nervous an hour into your nap today. I was worried you would wake up. But so far, we are on hour 3. So I need to relax. And I hope you learn that you need to let babies sleep as much as they want. Sleep begets sleep.
It is starting to get cold here. It's September 30th and I refuse to put the furnace on. It was 4 degrees out and I sent Owen with no hat and no mitts...opps. I am wearing socks and two sweaters. You are in pyjamas and a sweater and two blankets while you sleep. A few weeks ago, you were wearing onesies to bed. Now its full pj's! But it sure is nice to snuggle with you.
I can hear you start to wake up so I guess I better post this while I can. You got 3 hours so that's pretty good. We will hang out for a bit then go get some cheap chicken and pick up your dad and Owen. I have running tonight (I am training for a 10km race since you did a number on my body!!) so I have to figure out what to have for dinner...It gets tiring after a few years to come up with dinner!I am glad we had this chance to chat. Hopefully it gives you a bit of insight and gives me the kick to start writing much more often. And maybe you will keep sleeping more. Take pity on me would you??
Love Mom xoxox
Monday, September 28, 2009
Dear Maggie, Here are The rules
I figured I should set out some rules for our relationship. I know that the day will come when you want to avoid me like the plague. And at the same time, I will wonder who the hell you are and what happened to the cute little girl I used to know. So hopefully if we set out some guidelines and rules, maybe the road won't be so bumpy. Maybe. Ok not likely but I can dream.
I promise not to read your diary. Unless I think your into trouble. Like drugs or boys or country music.
I get to go wedding dress shopping with you. I am going to cry an fawn over you. And you will be grateful.
I will try not to tell you what to wear. Or force you to wear skirts or dresses or pants if you don't like them. But I am making sure you are covered up and not looking like I shrunk your clothes. Underwear and bras belong on the inside. Guys will not like you better if you lay it all out for them. But you can pick your clothes to wear on a daily basis. But if I let you wear what you like, you let me wear what I like.
No boys till your 16. Or no girls. Whatever you prefer.
I will try not to take it personally when you tell me you hate me.
I know a lot. Not everything, but a lot. But I promise to let you figure things out on your own.
Please make your own mistakes. Learn from them and don't be ashamed of them. I will try to stand back and let you make those mistakes.
You are my little girl. I always want to be a part of your life. So when I ask you how your day was, I am not trying to nosey. I just want to be a part of your world. Try and let me in a bit.
If you ask me for help, I will try to help and not take over.
I really want you to be confident and know how special you are. You don't need anyone else to make you that way. And don't let anyone take that away from you.
I love you. Always will. No matter what. Hopefully these pages will show you how much you mean to me and how much we wanted you and love you. And I know you love me even you don't think you do.
I promise not to read your diary. Unless I think your into trouble. Like drugs or boys or country music.
I get to go wedding dress shopping with you. I am going to cry an fawn over you. And you will be grateful.
I will try not to tell you what to wear. Or force you to wear skirts or dresses or pants if you don't like them. But I am making sure you are covered up and not looking like I shrunk your clothes. Underwear and bras belong on the inside. Guys will not like you better if you lay it all out for them. But you can pick your clothes to wear on a daily basis. But if I let you wear what you like, you let me wear what I like.
No boys till your 16. Or no girls. Whatever you prefer.
I will try not to take it personally when you tell me you hate me.
I know a lot. Not everything, but a lot. But I promise to let you figure things out on your own.
Please make your own mistakes. Learn from them and don't be ashamed of them. I will try to stand back and let you make those mistakes.
You are my little girl. I always want to be a part of your life. So when I ask you how your day was, I am not trying to nosey. I just want to be a part of your world. Try and let me in a bit.
You need to let me know if I am doing something wrong. I have never done this before so I will make mistakes too. But the key to all relationships is talking! So I hope you will talk to me as much as you yak now!
If you ask me for help, I will try to help and not take over.
I really want you to be confident and know how special you are. You don't need anyone else to make you that way. And don't let anyone take that away from you.
I love you. Always will. No matter what. Hopefully these pages will show you how much you mean to me and how much we wanted you and love you. And I know you love me even you don't think you do.
Love Mom xoxo
Thursday, September 17, 2009
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
Dear Maggie...I'm sorry
So a few months ago I started a journal for you. I was documenting your growth and changes in this pretty leather bound journal. By hand. Like with a pen. And apparently that hurts. I don't remember the last time I wrote anything with a pen. You know other then my name. I guess it would be college exams. And that was a lifetime ago.
Needless to say, my late night writing has dwindle and the guilt has swelled! I feel really bad that I have let sleep deprivation take a priority over writing to you. But I think typing will be better. I promise to even type in my hand written entries. Some day.
Our life is pretty boring these days. You take 3 hour naps during the day which limits where we can go. The rule is you can be awake as long as your happy. And dragging you out of a dreamy sleep to go the grocery story or a mall doesn't seem as appealing as it sounds.
So we spend a lot of time watching Price is Right, planning on the floor and pooping. You not me.
You started eating cereal this week. So far pretty uneventful. You seem to enjoy it. I can't imagine why. Cold mushed up cardboard sounds awful to me. I guess part of the joy is spitting it back out and making razzberries with it.
So hopefully this will relieve my guilt and help keep me busy till you stop sleeping so long!
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