In one end, out the other...

Dear Maggie,

What a rough week. You started waking up again at night and you seem to have an upset stomach. Your naps are a lot shorter too and you don't wake up happy. Instead you wake up screaming.

I am not sure what is going on. I think it might be these herbs I am taking to help with breastfeeding. I am cutting down how much I take to see if it improves. But despite it all you are still happy! I think you feel better today as you you woke up happy and you were talking away while we were playing. And you slept through the night. Hopefully you will get a nice nap today. I feel a lot better having had a full night sleep.

I get very stressed by all this stuff. I found it hard to deal with since I can't control it all. Did I mention I am a control freak? Hopefully by time you are reading this I have learned to let go of things. part of me is tempted to go back to work early. Work is easy and comfortable and I think mentally I would do really well back at work. But just because its easy doesn't mean it's the best choice. My motto is "everything worth having is just outside your comfort zone". I don't want to give up this time with you. This only happens once in a lifetime. I would miss out on so much just because I am a bit uncomfortable. And guaranteed I would get back to work and I would be miserable. The grass is always greener...

You are really good at sitting up now. I think crawling or some mobility will be soon since you are getting frustrated that you can't reach everything. You were pretty mad to day you couldn't reach the remote control. You could touch it but every time you did it would move just a little bit more out of your way. I finally took pity on you and moved it closer. And then you changed the channel. Thanks. But I will start to torture you and force you to figure out how to move.

The eating is going a lot better. You love cereal. You have eaten squash, carrots, sweet potato and just started chicken (mixed with sweet potato). We had some banana but it seems to have clogged you up a bit. Although with the amount of pooping today maybe I should give it to you again. I can't believe soon you will be eating real food!

Well if you are going to wake up from your nap early, it will be in the next few minutes. So I am going to get another cup of coffee and prepare. But even if you are up, you are always happy so i am happy.

Love Mom xoxo

Dear Maggie, here we go again

I thought you might be interested in how your day goes. You are seven months old now and we have a pretty regular routine. Nothing exciting but it's our day!

Because Owen is in school, you wake up around 7:15. We get Owen ready and off to school for 7:55. Then we come home and you have breakfast. I have breakfast and a BIG coffee. It's decaf but I need it. And I put a lot of sugar in it so it propels me through the morning.

Then we either go do an errand, like groceries or other shopping. Or we hang out at home and play on the floor with stacking cups, rings or you bounce in your jumperoo (a stationary bouncy thing that we borrowed from Max).

Then we do some house work, usually folding laundry. I give you some face clothes or socks to play with and you are pretty happy. You love blankets and towels being thrown over your face. You kick your legs and swing your arms wildly till you pull the towel off. And then you have a huge smile on your face. So that keeps you going through most of the laundry folding. When I fold sheets you're in heaven! I shake the sheet out and let it fall over your face. And then I yank it up really quick, like playing parachute. That usually gets some giggles from you.

About three hours after you wake up, you have a nap. Usually it's about three hours. Sometimes it's less. But you typically get 4 hours, spread out over two naps. So whether it's 2 hours in the morning, two in the afternoon; or one in the morning and three in the afternoon. It works out to four hours. While you sleep, I usually watch tv, check the internet, do some tiding, wash dishes, relax (recoup from lack of sleep at night!!), eat lunch. It's a little boring but I am trying to enjoy it since this is the last time I will have time like this, both to myself and with you. I am sure I will regret how much time I wasted watching tv, but oh well...

Once you wake up, it's usually time to eat again. Right now you are eating cereal/pablum. But we went and bought a bunch of veggies and fruits that we will start today at lunch. So hopefully, you take well to it and don't turn your nose up at it. I tried barley cereal today. You were gagging and coughing. So I don't hold much hope for carrots today.

Then we either go out and do more errands, or just stay home and do more chores and cleaning. Today I think we might walk to the drug store. Just for something to do. Then three hours later, it's back to bed.

Usually, Dad gets home around 4:30- 5:00, or we go pick him up. And then we pick up Owen from daycare. After that it gets pretty hectic. There's dinner and playing and baths and books all before 7:30. You usually head to bed between 7:30 and 8:00.

You fall asleep on your own. No rocking or patting or anything. Just put you down, wrap you up in a special blanket, turn on some music and that's it. Walk away. You always grab this ratty sheet we have for you and shove your thumb in your mouth. that's how you sleep.

I feed you again around 10:45 before I go to sleep. You used to sleep right through till 7:15. But now you are waking up around 3:00 a.m. Last night it was 2:30 and 5:30. So tonight you are getting some tough love. You are on your own to fall back asleep. I know you can put yourself to sleep so you just have to re-learn it. Hopefully it only takes one night, which is how long it took you the first time. Fingers crossed!!

Well you are talking away in your crib. It's only been one hour and forty-five minutes. It's not time to eat yet either. So I guess we will fold more laundry. The good thing is I can leave you to be in your crib for quite a while by yourself. You just chat away and suck on your blanket.

So there you are. Our day in a nutshell. nothing spectacular. Soon we will start some library time. But for now, you are content with our day so so am I.

got to go you are getting restless.

Love Mom xoxox

Oh yeah

I forgot: Your best new trick. You laugh in the cutest way. I guess cause we do it to you, you scrunch up your nose and bare your teeth and start breathing hard. Like a congested dog. It's so cute!! I have to try and video tape it. But like most things when I try to film it, you won't do it. So I will try. I might need your dad's help.

Love me again.

Dear Maggie, I confess, again...

So I have had writer's block. I haven't written in quite a while as you can tell. I have been trying quite hard to be funny and creative and it wasn't working. I finally thought about what I would like to read now about my life as a baby. I wouldn't care if my mom was clever and witty every time. i just want to know what it was like. So I have decided to just write. I just need to start writing for you. Not for anyone else. So here goes:

What are you up to now? You have started eating cereal. It took quite a while to get you into eating the cereal. The first few days you liked it. Then you started, literally turning your nose up at it. You would make a disgusted face when we fed you, like I was feeding you lemons or liver. So I had to figure out why you didn't like it. Well we realised you still don't like formula, which I was using to mix. I hate pumping so formula was easier. But if you don't eat it well it's not easier...So I went back to breast milk, pumping when I could. I tried different consistencies, temperatures...I finally got it right a few days ago. You actually open your mouth when you see it coming. But your weight is a bit lower then I would like. Your not emaciated or anything but you aren't as plump as I would like. We are going to the doctor on Thursday so we will see how you are doing. I plan to get you eating twice and day and then moving on to veggies asap. I want you FAT!!!

You are getting pretty good at sitting up on your own. You have been doing that for a week or so. I even put you in a shopping cart with out your baby seat, which is a god send. Just wait till you have to lug a baby around in a car seat!! Those things are heavy and your dead weight. But you are good a sitting up for a minute on your own. Then you kind of fall apart. Owen used to fall over on the side. You crumple in the middle like a taco. And then you get a little front heavy and next thing I know your whole face and body are smushed on the ground. Thankfully you don't cry when you bonk your head. And, for the record, I try to catch you but you seem to be spring loaded- like suddenly your legs spring out from under you and you end up on your face. Maybe it will help you get better at sitting up.

I have become a bit stressed about your sleeping. A week ago it was a dream. And then one day you woke up at 6:15, yakking away at the top of your lungs. I have my door closed, your door closed and you are all the way down the hall. And I can STILL hear you. Loud and clear. The next day it was 6:00, then 6:30. I wouldn't mind it if I could ignore you. But you are so loud. If I can I will tape it some day so you can hear how loud you are!! So I tried pushing your bed time later so you would sleep in longer. I should have known better, it never worked with Owen. Still doesn't! If Owen goes to bed half hour later, he is up a half hour earlier! You, you were up at 4:00 am!!!! That's in the morning. When I am sleeping. Not nice Maggie.

So I tried for a few days, because my mom suggested it needed a few days to work. Well then you stopped taking your naps properly, only napping for an hour at a time. So I gave up. Last night, I put you to bed at the regular time, when you were ready, and you slept until 6:50. Much better. I of course got woken up by Owen at 5:20 a.m. and couldn't fall asleep again. I kept thinking I could hear you, but really it was your dad breathing hard. Hopefully tonight you two will get your act together and I can sleep, stress free. I know this is just a phase, but its stressful! I got really nervous an hour into your nap today. I was worried you would wake up. But so far, we are on hour 3. So I need to relax. And I hope you learn that you need to let babies sleep as much as they want. Sleep begets sleep.

It is starting to get cold here. It's September 30th and I refuse to put the furnace on. It was 4 degrees out and I sent Owen with no hat and no mitts...opps. I am wearing socks and two sweaters. You are in pyjamas and a sweater and two blankets while you sleep. A few weeks ago, you were wearing onesies to bed. Now its full pj's! But it sure is nice to snuggle with you.

I can hear you start to wake up so I guess I better post this while I can. You got 3 hours so that's pretty good. We will hang out for a bit then go get some cheap chicken and pick up your dad and Owen. I have running tonight (I am training for a 10km race since you did a number on my body!!) so I have to figure out what to have for dinner...It gets tiring after a few years to come up with dinner!

I am glad we had this chance to chat. Hopefully it gives you a bit of insight and gives me the kick to start writing much more often. And maybe you will keep sleeping more. Take pity on me would you??

Love Mom xoxox

Dear Maggie, Here are The rules

I figured I should set out some rules for our relationship. I know that the day will come when you want to avoid me like the plague. And at the same time, I will wonder who the hell you are and what happened to the cute little girl I used to know. So hopefully if we set out some guidelines and rules, maybe the road won't be so bumpy. Maybe. Ok not likely but I can dream.

I promise not to read your diary. Unless I think your into trouble. Like drugs or boys or country music.

I get to go wedding dress shopping with you. I am going to cry an fawn over you. And you will be grateful.

I will try not to tell you what to wear. Or force you to wear skirts or dresses or pants if you don't like them. But I am making sure you are covered up and not looking like I shrunk your clothes. Underwear and bras belong on the inside. Guys will not like you better if you lay it all out for them. But you can pick your clothes to wear on a daily basis. But if I let you wear what you like, you let me wear what I like.

No boys till your 16. Or no girls. Whatever you prefer.

I will try not to take it personally when you tell me you hate me.

I know a lot. Not everything, but a lot. But I promise to let you figure things out on your own.
Please make your own mistakes. Learn from them and don't be ashamed of them. I will try to stand back and let you make those mistakes.

You are my little girl. I always want to be a part of your life. So when I ask you how your day was, I am not trying to nosey. I just want to be a part of your world. Try and let me in a bit.

You need to let me know if I am doing something wrong. I have never done this before so I will make mistakes too. But the key to all relationships is talking! So I hope you will talk to me as much as you yak now!

If you ask me for help, I will try to help and not take over.

I really want you to be confident and know how special you are. You don't need anyone else to make you that way. And don't let anyone take that away from you.

I love you. Always will. No matter what. Hopefully these pages will show you how much you mean to me and how much we wanted you and love you. And I know you love me even you don't think you do.

Love Mom xoxo

Dear Maggie...The Journal June 27th

Dear Maggie...The Journal June 28th